Neediness - Emily

Ladies! Love you, praying for you both..... it's been a stressful hectic 2 weeks here so I am behind. God is good though. When I prioritize what's most important, He is faithful to allow me little gaps to 'catch up'. Love Him!!!!!

So, Neediness. Been there. Oh yeah. But praise God, in His loving way, He has drawn me away from that and into a blessed place of needing Him more and more!

Hmm... I don't think I am 'needy' towards Joe but I guess he has expressed at times that he feels pressure to provide me with what I want. Like when I'm not happy he can feel at fault for that. So if I'm not resting in God's provision for me, Joe ends up feeling some of that pressure whether that's my intention of not. But over all I wouldn't say that I suffocate him in any way. (But I can always work on my verbal praise and encouragement towards him to ensure him that he's doing a good job being there for our family).

Of the things Mary lists on pg 182, two of them stood out to me that could use my attention... "She sends her roots deep into God's stream to meet her emotional needs. She does not demand emotional satisfaction from people" - Oh emotions. They are such a gift from the Lord when used appropriately but they can be SO damaging if we allow ourselves to be consumed by them. Praying for His perspective! Also "Her life is spiritually fruitful and productive, regardless of the state of her earthly relationships" - My immediate conviction here was with my tongue. When everything's good it's easy to let the Holy Spirit guide (or hold) my words..... but if something is amiss I can fly off the handle and speak things that are not glorifying to God. I desire to have a better handle in that area so as not to contradict myself in my influences toward others.

I LOVE what Mary says at the end of the chapter....

"[Her desire] is beckoning her to look past that image and reach for the reality it represents. Earthly romances are to the Cosmic One like sparkling reflections of light dancing on water are to the blazing sun. They are not the fiery light. They only reflect glimmers of it"  What powerful imagery!! Living near the water I am rather familiar with the wonderfulness of the sun glittering on the water.... and this comparison just humbles me even more at Who God is and how great and awesome and big and powerful and ... and... and... He is! His love for us is so far beyond my comprehension.

I do see this *neediness* in others sometimes and it breaks my heart. I think a good part of it can be tied in with control issues. Seeking everything from someone else but at the same time not able to trust them when they are apart from you and therefore having to have a hand in everything they do. I'm sure there are lots of ways that I need to be able to give God more control, especially in His work in others. Just trusting that He is working and the best way I can help is to pray for them.

I hope this makes some sense. I do know that I am a tangled mess without Jesus. The days when I do not set aside some time to get with Him generally end up being a disaster and if I'm out of the Word for a few days, look out!! But I know I need Him in every breath of my day! He is my Life!! I need Him!

Father, help me to keep my needs directed to you. You delight in providing for me as I lean on and trust in You for all things! May you be close with my sweet sisters here and draw our hearts more and more towards Yourself. We love you! Amen.

Neediness - Ann

Hi Friends!

Well, I thought this was an easier read than last week.

I would not say that I am not overly clingy and needy when it comes to men, however, I do not think I am truly a wise woman.....yet.

As Mary points out that "It's not that the wise woman never experiences "pressure cooker" heat in her relationships - or that she never faces a year of relational drought. But she withstands those tough times. She doesn't get fearful or anxious when they come, because her relationship with the Lord nourishes and sustains her. She doesn't rely on the cistern. "

My relationship with my hubby is not always perfect and easy however, I do not get overly concerned or anxious about it as I know God will help us get through our ups and downs. But at the same time I sometimes expect my hubby to fill up that void that only God can fill. 

Just last Sunday, I addressed Brian with his excessive computer/internet usage, as I see it, and the way I communicated probably wasn't the best, but as he went to work for the night and we had not resolved the issue, I was feeling quite distraught. I do truly think that Brian has been letting the internet suck up his life, and when he is on the computer I feel like he would rather surf the net then be with me, but at the same time when addressing the issue I was coming across as a selfish needy baby, and when Brian left for work I was left alone to cry and think. While thinking, I also realized that I have also been trying to have Brian fill up that area that God can only fill and then getting mad  at my husband for not succeeding. It's hard to explain exactly what I am trying to say, but before I had even read this chapter, while crying and pouting I thought. Wow God! Yes!  Brian has some things to work on but geeze I am being a little needy, and even if my hubby doted on me hand and foot 24/7, constantly focused on me I will not be content because I need you Lord. After this I spent some time in prayer and  I took my concerns to the God in prayer the next day too. Afterwards, I was able to clearly express my feelings to Brian. After taking my concern to God and letting Him help me work through my thoughts and feelings everything was so clear!  Lord help me to stay close to you, to trust in you, to rely on you! 

I would say that my heart sometimes feels lonely and needy, while I need to be better at nourishing my relationship with God as I do believe that only a relationship with God can meet my deepest needs.

As Psalm 42:1-2 says "As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."

Lord thank you for always being there for us, help us to nourish and deepen our relationships with you, so that we may trust you more. 

Authenticity - Ann

Hi Ladies!

So glad we were able to meet this week for lunch!

I found this chapter to be intimidating at first as I was afraid of what I would discover about myself.....as I know I am not perfect. I will admit that I have felt two-faced during my life, and this chapter did stir up memories, of feeling like a bad person and times of feeling two-faced during my bouts of depression.

As a teenager I developed a hatred for myself that stemmed from my childhood. ( I feel like some of this could have tied into other chapters but I guess this is the chapter that I will talk about it.) Anyways...I would like to preface this by saying that  i was an extremely shy and timid child and I can honestly say that I think I was born feeling nervous : ) So now for my story, starting at about the age of 6 while at a friends house my friend and I stumbled upon her dads stash of pornography. At first it was very much curiosity  that drew us to look at these pictures, but for about the next 5 or 6 years we would  again be drawn to look at these images from time to time.....as I got older I realized this was wrong to do, however, the pictures were alluring, and I had myself thinking that I wanted to be sexy and beautiful and proactive like the ladies in the pictures. Now being from a strict religious family my conscious weighed heavy. Eventually, I pretty much just stopped hanging out with this friend. I also had a very guilty conscience. I believe that feeling guilty is healthy, and good, however I had an unhealthy feeling of guilt and for years I thought I was a very horrible person. I thought my parents would kill me if they knew that Ann their beloved innocent daughter had looked at porn, so I kept my secret to myself. Now, I totally believe that we have a loving a forgiving merciful God, but I could not get it through my head that God could forgive me for being such an impure person. During this time I felt very two-faced and the voices in my head told me I was a horrible bad person. I felt like there was no hope for me. I believe when I was about 15 I finally talked things through with my parents. Before it was all said and done I went through horrible times of depression, and times of severe anxiety, I lost a bunch of weight and for a time was not able to sleep, eat or concentrate.

In the end I went  to counseling and took medication for a time to help me deal with things. And let me just say that it was only by the grace of God did I not attempt suicide or start doing drugs,  or  turn to alcohol as I was in a very dark place, and saw no point to living.

As the years have gone by I have dealt with depression off and on and I will say I  think I am such a hypocrite sometimes when I am having  one of those days where, on the inside I feel like I am in a deep dark hole, feeling like their is no point to my life but on the outside I am happy positive Ann with a smile on my face, afraid of what someone might think if they knew I was depressed.

Mary points out that a girl gone wise is genuine - her outside matches her inside. I will say that I have areas to work on here.

Mary listed the 7 signs of Hypocrisy:

1. Contradiction - a pretender who honors the Lord with her lips but her heart is far from Him

I am a regular church goer, I pray and read my Bible daily, and I enjoy reading this book with you ladies so that I can be become a better person, but I do not always live my life as I should.

2. Self-Indulgence - constantly ask the Lord for things but they ask for the wrong things to indulge their worldly passion. They have the wrong perspective about God. They question whether He really has their best interests at heart. I know I struggle with this in respect to my infertility. 

I will admit that I have been angry at God for not giving me what I want right now, like I know what is best for me, like know more that God. Yes, I need to learn how to fully trust him and his plans

3. Focus on externals - do all their deeds to be seen by others - very concerned about outward appearances, how they look to others and what people think about them. 

I do enjoy when people think I am good, and I definitely worry too much about what others think about me

4. Partial obedience - Selective about which parts of the scripture to obey

Some commandments and teachings are definitely easier for me to follow than others.

5. Rationalization - justifying two faced behavior - I am guilty of this too.

6. Contempt - looking down on others. They see the speck in another's eye but fail to notice the log in their own. 

I am definitely hard on myself, but I do find it easy to see other people's shortcomings and sins.

7. Chameleon - Like Conduct  - change color depending on which environment they are in.

 I have been working on this, but I will say that I like to be liked, so I will tend to do and say things in different situations so that I will be liked.

I definitely have things to work on, but as Mary says at the end of the chapter "The problem is not when we fight against hypocrisy in or lives but when we don't." We need to get closer and closer to God and repent of our sins. Yes, there is always hope!

Thank you Lord for your forgiveness love and mercy! Help us to be true authentic Godly women! Draw us nearer to you!

Authenticity - Emily

What an excellent chapter! This one really gets at the core of things. Mary writes to uncover our true motives and agendas. Ouch. Love it!

Sadly, I have been 100% two-faced in seasons of my life. I am grieved to look back on those times but also drawn to praise Him even more for his redemptive work in my life. He is oh so good to us. Such a patient and loving God. I'm still such a piece of work most days :-) but a quote that a friend of mine shared with me goes something like "less important than the degree of victory is the direction we are going". Thus keeping in mind that when I fail and run to Him (instead of away) that's progress. He can work with that.

I did take the time to look up several of the scriptures that she references and found that to be helpful and insightful. Sometimes it's too easy to read through the Bible and skim over the great implications and meanings in God's Word. 2 Tim 3:1-4 really stood out to me. " But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God...." God already knows the self-destructive way we are headed as people, so He calls us to be on guard for those things!

Luke 12:2 is a wonderful verse! "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known" If we know we are harboring some secret sin this can be a scary one - but how loving is God that he will not allow us to do that?! He wants to expose what's really inside so that we can confess it and draw closer to him. *Our pastors wife made the comments that we should be thankful that we aren't celebrities when God reveals junk in us. For us He can do it intimately, their junk gets spread all over the tabloids :-(

I would honestly have to say that I probably still act in some of each of the areas of hypocrisy that Mary points out. I'd like to say I don't (maybe not a blatantly as before) but that'd be a lie. Some days I am just plain amazed at how selfish I can be, how much I still have myself on the throne all day. Praise God that He won't leave me here but little by little He is making me new every day.

Lord fill us afresh with you each new day! Help us to be genuine. To desire your kind of true authenticity in our walk! Thank you Lord that you want to expose the sin in us, you're continually calling us closer to you if we will only listen and yield our lives to you.

Boundaries - Ann

It was nice to be able to have lunch together today! : )

So now for the chapter! I found it to be a quick read, and to be honest I think Mary goes a little far in some of the things she says in this chapter. My first thoughts were, wow Mary is kinda crazy!

In the beginning of the chapter she went through the examples of women who had messed up their lives, all with differing circumstances and it seemed like she was saying " if you put yourself in this situation you will do this, or this horrible thing will happen to you.....which I think is not always the case.....It just seemed kind of extreme.

Nevertheless, I very much agree with Mary and how we need to have healthy boundaries and to build a protective hedge, in order to safeguard ourselves, however I will honestly say I have not taken it to the level that Mary presents in this chapter nor do I think about it on a daily basis as perhaps I can in the future. Proverbs 14:16 "One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless." I do not want to be a fool!

When Mary talks about the first hedge, I found the first bullet hard to take -"I will not go to bars, lounges or clubs" when I think about going to the bar I personally think about it as a place to hang out, and relax, not necessarily a place where you have to get drunk and find a person to hook up with......I don't think of a bar as inherently bad......and maybe I'm wrong when i think that......I will also say I have not spent much time in bars and maybe that is because it is not the greatest environment......hhmmm

When Mary talked about most of the hedges it reminded me of when Brian an I were dating and we had to follow my parents rules....only hanging out 4 times a wk..... we had to hang out in public places or have other people around.....it seemed liked the rules were never ending......although I found them to be burdensome at the time I am grateful for the rules as it simplified things in a way and made it easier to save ourselves for marriage. 

I just had not thought much about applying those same principles to life as a married person, like with men in the workplace. I will say in my current position I am put in situations where I am alone with men, and have to interact with men a lot. After reading this chapter I will have a new perspective on this and will pray about how to best handle these situations.

The bullet point  -"Unless there is another person present, I will keep conversations with men on a superficial level" stuck out to me.....I will say that sometimes my conversations have not always been superficial......I don't think they have been overly emotional and personal...I guess my issue is that I want to be friendly and nice to men, but at the same time I do not want to be sending the wrong message

Well overall I found the chapter hard to swallow, and believe that I can work on building up some of my hedges. I think I am kinda naive at times and only want to see the good in people and places.

I like the quote from the novel Don Quixote "No padlock, bolts, or bars can secure a maiden better than her own reserve" 

I pray that we may practice good discretion, always striving to protect our sexual purity and to help guard the sexual purity of those around us.

Boundaries - Emily

Now this chapter was an easy read for me, but mostly due to out current season in life and many lessons learned the hard way. Again, where was this info 10 years ago when it would have benefited me so much more? But would I have even listened? And how many girls do I know out there who need this info right now? How can I be helping them??

Anyways, There isn't a whole lot I took away from this one since I don't have much contact at all with men outside of being with my husband. We are together as a family most everywhere we go so I feel 'guarded' because he is with me. And even when he isn't (grocery store, library, church) I have 4 little beautiful blue eyes watching my every move. If we're out on a walk and a male neighbor is outside I'll say hi as we pass but generally don't stop to "chat". I always wear my ring outside of the house and feel 'naked' if I happen to forget it. I don't think I have any male friends on Facebook that aren't mutual friends of ours. [Admittedly it did take me a while to get to that point because I didn't see a danger in being 'friends' with someone from grade school that I'd known forever... but because hubby was uncomfortable with it, I've honored him in that and don't regret it one bit]

I can imagine that this chapter has been more insightful for you two ladies who are working with men every day - I look forward to reading your reflections and will continue to life you both in prayer as we strengthen and increase our hedges for Godly purity.

Sexual Conduct - Ann

Hello Ladies!

Well I found this to be quite the read as well! I found myself underlining things all over the place!

It is so true that are bombarded by sex on a daily basis, it is everywhere, but as Mary points out....

"The problem is not that we value sex too much  - but that we don't value it enough", how true! Sadly our culture has devalued sex to something that you do for fun.... on a whim.... with just about anyone...married or not..... but sex is so much more! As Mary reminds us "what we do sexually is much bigger than her own personal life. It has meaning that connects the comic, unseen, eternal realm! I like how you said it Emily....WOAH!

Sex is such a wonderful beautiful thing and it needs to presented that way, but I would say that growing up what I remember most is that I when I was little I was taught how my body worked as a woman and that sex was bad.....its bad unless you are married. It kinda makes me laugh when I think about how I was given such a negative message about sex, and thankfully I have a better understanding of it now but and as Mary points out most christian discussions about sex talk about sex in the wrong place, what makes sex bad instead of pointing out the beauty and wonderfulness of sex when it is in the proper context. "God wants us to delight in sex. Honor it. Think His thoughts about it He wants us to live in such a way that our sexuality puts His glory on display."

There were many areas in the chapter that stuck out to me such as the great importance of marriage and how marriage and sex are so important, and that lived out faithfully our womanhood, marriages and sex lives are a proclamation of the Gospel! 

Marriage is about: union, communion, commitment and family.

"God created sex so that a husband and wife might display, confirm, and enjoy their union - so that their physical bodies bear witness to the spiritual, supernatural and legal joining that has taken place." This is just a further reminder that sex is so much more than a pleasurable time!

I like how Mary points out that "Christs standards for the covenant of marriage are so shockingly high." We as married couples have huge responsibilities to truly understand and take our vocations seriously all of the time. I was reminded that even as a married woman  I also need to strive to be sexual pure, I need to strive for the "uncommon set-apart sex" as 1Thessalonians 4:1-8 "For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness." I want to give glory to God in all I do! 

I really like Emily's ideas a praying before sex....how neat! 

1 Corinthians 6:13-20 "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, who you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body!" What a great reminder of how special and sacred our bodies are!

Thank you Lord for the gifts of our bodies, marriage and sex! Help us to always see and use these gifts how you intended and created them to be! May we strive for holiness and give glory to you always in all that we do!