Boundaries - Ann

It was nice to be able to have lunch together today! : )

So now for the chapter! I found it to be a quick read, and to be honest I think Mary goes a little far in some of the things she says in this chapter. My first thoughts were, wow Mary is kinda crazy!

In the beginning of the chapter she went through the examples of women who had messed up their lives, all with differing circumstances and it seemed like she was saying " if you put yourself in this situation you will do this, or this horrible thing will happen to you.....which I think is not always the case.....It just seemed kind of extreme.

Nevertheless, I very much agree with Mary and how we need to have healthy boundaries and to build a protective hedge, in order to safeguard ourselves, however I will honestly say I have not taken it to the level that Mary presents in this chapter nor do I think about it on a daily basis as perhaps I can in the future. Proverbs 14:16 "One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless." I do not want to be a fool!

When Mary talks about the first hedge, I found the first bullet hard to take -"I will not go to bars, lounges or clubs" when I think about going to the bar I personally think about it as a place to hang out, and relax, not necessarily a place where you have to get drunk and find a person to hook up with......I don't think of a bar as inherently bad......and maybe I'm wrong when i think that......I will also say I have not spent much time in bars and maybe that is because it is not the greatest environment......hhmmm

When Mary talked about most of the hedges it reminded me of when Brian an I were dating and we had to follow my parents rules....only hanging out 4 times a wk..... we had to hang out in public places or have other people around.....it seemed liked the rules were never ending......although I found them to be burdensome at the time I am grateful for the rules as it simplified things in a way and made it easier to save ourselves for marriage. 

I just had not thought much about applying those same principles to life as a married person, like with men in the workplace. I will say in my current position I am put in situations where I am alone with men, and have to interact with men a lot. After reading this chapter I will have a new perspective on this and will pray about how to best handle these situations.

The bullet point  -"Unless there is another person present, I will keep conversations with men on a superficial level" stuck out to me.....I will say that sometimes my conversations have not always been superficial......I don't think they have been overly emotional and personal...I guess my issue is that I want to be friendly and nice to men, but at the same time I do not want to be sending the wrong message

Well overall I found the chapter hard to swallow, and believe that I can work on building up some of my hedges. I think I am kinda naive at times and only want to see the good in people and places.

I like the quote from the novel Don Quixote "No padlock, bolts, or bars can secure a maiden better than her own reserve" 

I pray that we may practice good discretion, always striving to protect our sexual purity and to help guard the sexual purity of those around us.

Boundaries - Emily

Now this chapter was an easy read for me, but mostly due to out current season in life and many lessons learned the hard way. Again, where was this info 10 years ago when it would have benefited me so much more? But would I have even listened? And how many girls do I know out there who need this info right now? How can I be helping them??

Anyways, There isn't a whole lot I took away from this one since I don't have much contact at all with men outside of being with my husband. We are together as a family most everywhere we go so I feel 'guarded' because he is with me. And even when he isn't (grocery store, library, church) I have 4 little beautiful blue eyes watching my every move. If we're out on a walk and a male neighbor is outside I'll say hi as we pass but generally don't stop to "chat". I always wear my ring outside of the house and feel 'naked' if I happen to forget it. I don't think I have any male friends on Facebook that aren't mutual friends of ours. [Admittedly it did take me a while to get to that point because I didn't see a danger in being 'friends' with someone from grade school that I'd known forever... but because hubby was uncomfortable with it, I've honored him in that and don't regret it one bit]

I can imagine that this chapter has been more insightful for you two ladies who are working with men every day - I look forward to reading your reflections and will continue to life you both in prayer as we strengthen and increase our hedges for Godly purity.

Sexual Conduct - Ann

Hello Ladies!

Well I found this to be quite the read as well! I found myself underlining things all over the place!

It is so true that are bombarded by sex on a daily basis, it is everywhere, but as Mary points out....

"The problem is not that we value sex too much  - but that we don't value it enough", how true! Sadly our culture has devalued sex to something that you do for fun.... on a whim.... with just about anyone...married or not..... but sex is so much more! As Mary reminds us "what we do sexually is much bigger than her own personal life. It has meaning that connects the comic, unseen, eternal realm! I like how you said it Emily....WOAH!

Sex is such a wonderful beautiful thing and it needs to presented that way, but I would say that growing up what I remember most is that I when I was little I was taught how my body worked as a woman and that sex was bad.....its bad unless you are married. It kinda makes me laugh when I think about how I was given such a negative message about sex, and thankfully I have a better understanding of it now but and as Mary points out most christian discussions about sex talk about sex in the wrong place, what makes sex bad instead of pointing out the beauty and wonderfulness of sex when it is in the proper context. "God wants us to delight in sex. Honor it. Think His thoughts about it He wants us to live in such a way that our sexuality puts His glory on display."

There were many areas in the chapter that stuck out to me such as the great importance of marriage and how marriage and sex are so important, and that lived out faithfully our womanhood, marriages and sex lives are a proclamation of the Gospel! 

Marriage is about: union, communion, commitment and family.

"God created sex so that a husband and wife might display, confirm, and enjoy their union - so that their physical bodies bear witness to the spiritual, supernatural and legal joining that has taken place." This is just a further reminder that sex is so much more than a pleasurable time!

I like how Mary points out that "Christs standards for the covenant of marriage are so shockingly high." We as married couples have huge responsibilities to truly understand and take our vocations seriously all of the time. I was reminded that even as a married woman  I also need to strive to be sexual pure, I need to strive for the "uncommon set-apart sex" as 1Thessalonians 4:1-8 "For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness." I want to give glory to God in all I do! 

I really like Emily's ideas a praying before sex....how neat! 

1 Corinthians 6:13-20 "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, who you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body!" What a great reminder of how special and sacred our bodies are!

Thank you Lord for the gifts of our bodies, marriage and sex! Help us to always see and use these gifts how you intended and created them to be! May we strive for holiness and give glory to you always in all that we do!

Sexual Conduct - Emily

I was kind of hoping this was going to be an easy read but it turned out to be a lot more then what I was expecting. Mary made a ton of good points... I have a lot of underlines in this chapter!! Growing up, the main message I heard (and the one that is still pushed the most) was just "don't do it", regarding sex. And as Mary points out, it is SO MUCH MORE than that. It all ties into a plan that is WAY bigger then us. Woah!

She talked about intimacy for a couple pages and that is what stuck out to me the most. How God used himself as the pattern when creating man and woman and the design for our relationship with each other... that blows my mind. Hubby has often shared that he wishes we could communicate without words, like sometimes to just be able to know what the other is thinking. From time to time that does happen and it's a sweet moment, but it does require 'talking' and being on the same page about things to know that we are both having the same thoughts. Sometimes I've thought it's kind of silly but it makes more sense thinking of it in light of God's design for our intimacy. Think of the couples who are together for 50+ years and then one spouses passes and the other feels like he/she lost half of themselves... that's real and true intimacy. And I am heartbroken at all the many crafty ways the devil has come against this in marriages! There are so many ways couples are divided today and it's just the norm.... his money, her money... his car, her car... all sorts of things. Not that it's bad to have 2 incomes or 2 cars but the idea of one or the other 'owning' it, rather than it being mutual between husband and wife... see what I mean?

I have found that when I take time to pray before sex, clearing my mind and inviting God to be a part of what we're doing, praising Him for who He created us to be and thanking Him for our relationship - the fulfillment is so much richer! God designed sex to reflect a part of Himself, he wants us to enjoy it and delight in it always!

Thank you Lord that you love us so much! Thank you for using the things closest to us (husbands and families) to help grow us to being more like you! May we keep in mind an eternal persepctive in the way we approach sex within our marriage and seek to continually raise our standards higher in our conduct with others.

Sexual Conduct - Hannah

Well, hmm...would it be fitting for me to stay that I like sex :). Ironically, Ann and I were just talking about it this morning..I get so frustrated sometimes because I feel I value it more than John does; however, after reading the chapter i realize that I've not been valuing it even a way in which I can bring glory to God...what an interesting perspective- to allow sex between a husband and wife be an act that glorifies God, signifies a covenant, and solidifies and consummates a relationship- wow.

Perhaps because I waited til we were married to have sex- it still seems new to me :) I still love making love...I love knowing that John is the only one that "knows" me.  Anyway, I could go on and on about how I love having sex with my husband and wish we had more time to be intimate, but I'll spare you both..hehe :) I will say that this chapter shed light on valuing sex because God created it...and He wants us to enjoy it and to use it to honor Him.

Lord, please help us to save sex for within the realms of marriage and to use it as a way to love our husbands- complete the union of our marriages- and honor You in doing so.  THANK YOU for  creating sex- and making it something that can be fun and fulfilling when used as You designed it.

Hope you both have a great weekend..and well, here's to a weekend of having God-honoring sex with our husbands :) :) 

Roles - Ann

My Dear Friends!

So before I get started I will say I feel worn out today, so they may be a rambled jumbled mess but here I go!

Well I can say I have struggled with my roles as a woman and wife and I enjoyed being reminded that God made me a woman and how very special I am as a Woman!

Before marriage I can say that I think I did a good job of letting Brian be the leader.....he asked me out....he kissed me first....he held my hand first...he asked me to marry him...he made sure he had a home for me to live in...I did not force him into anything or demand that he do any of those things! Yes I am proud to say that my husband is more that just a male he is a Man! : )

And with that being said I do need to let him be the man.....all of the time!

So, after we got married, I think I felt entitled to start bossing him around, and expected him to change some of his bachelor-like habits (I wanted him to be a perfect housekeeper)....and I wanted him to change as soon as I said so......Fast forward four years now  and I will say I still have not "fixed" him or made him change....ha! Yes, I will say I have tried to wear the pants but it doesn't work out so well when I do that!

I have better realized my roles over the years and I have been getting better at truly playing my part.....not overtaking his part and have worked on not being his "mom" as he has put it before.

I think my main issues when it comes to roles have to do with household duties.....I realize I as a woman am just more inclined to do housework and  and know what needs to be done to keep the household going, and that Brian is pretty much blind to it all...not because he wants to be......he just is. Also, with both of us working full time we both agree that I should not be solely in charge of all household duties. However, he is not of the nature to notice things and do them without me saying something....resulting in me expecting him to read my mind......I become frustrated....then I end up doing everything.....and at that point I am doing things out of anger and resentment.....not good and how selfish of me...and this happens when Ann is being self centered and pushes God and hubby aside!

For the last year I have been blessed with a regular schedule.....Praise God! I have worked on embracing my womanly roles....I now enjoy cooking and knowing that I am better at cleaning.....being happy that I can provide my husband a homey home....Brian has become the dish-doer....instead of demanding that he read my mind or demanding that things get done.....then getting angry, I have worked on lovingly asking for help, then, when Brian gets behind or forgets to do something and I end up doing something like helping him catch up on dishes ( I cannot believe how many dishes 2 people can dirty in a day) I do it for him out of love, knowing that Brian has other roles of his own that he is responsible for.

There were many sections of the chapter that stuck out to me:

I do not want to be a woman who "won't take no for an answer"

I do think our roles matter and when I let Brian be the man and I am the woman and let God in to do His thing, life is naturally better! I like being protected, and cared for by my husband, Mary states that women are "the constant beneficiary of protection from the authorities God has put in her life".....hmm....we have it pretty good ladies!

I liked how Mary pointed out that "Genesis reveals that men and women are more like God than anything else in the universe, and they share this status equally."

Man and woman are "complementary", they need each other

Woman is "helper....helper alongside"

Lord help us to clearly see and appreciate the roles you have blessed us with, help us as wives to let our husbands lead us and our families, but most of all help us to conform our lives to you, our Loving Father, so that we may see and hear clearly how you are leading us daily!

Roles - Emily

I have to say that I couldn't agree more with what Ann just shared about the world (the devil) lying to us! Lies are all over the place and unless we are really seeking out the Truth and God's hand in things we automatically just believe and follow lies. This book really helps bring me to a place of understanding our extreme need for God in order to get this stuff "right".

Yes, I did kiss my husband first (before he was my husband) and I have tried to 'wear the pants' in areas where I think things aren't going the way they should be. But it's not about who can do the job better, it's about who was designed to do it!! It can be hard to back off and let him be in charge of certain areas but it gives God much more room to work in both of us. I am learning patience and trust and it helps hubby have a better understanding of his position of leadership. When I back off and give things to God, He allows me to see where/what He wants to work on and gives many avenues for prayer. Our men have their own set of fears and faults and hang ups but they won't be able to work on them if we are stomping on them and saying "I'll just do it!" Opening my eyes to see these things draws me to my knees even more of behalf of him.

And I would honestly have to say that my designed role is more than enough to keep me occupied without trying to take on hubby responsibilities too. We are designed relationally and that takes time and energy and balance. I love to encourage and pray for others but I can't do that well if I'm not willing to invest time in knowing them and energy into reaching out. And keeping the household, hello! This is work, and way more than just our physical surroundings, but the heart of our home is in our hands. We are the rudder that guides the ship here. So often our attitudes and demeanor set the tone for the day. So sometimes when I 'just wanna be mad or cranky or have an off day' and I'm not allowed to get away with it, I need to remember that my composition (or lack of) has a ripple effect in those around me.

Hubby and I can seem so opposite in some areas and I wonder what on earth we were thinking... but then I remember that we are together for a reason with the intention of balancing one another for His kingdom purposes. I love on page 130 where Mary says "The alongside part is extremely important. The purpose of a woman helping a man isn't about exalting the man. It's not about him. Her help contributes to both of them achieving a greater, nobler, eternal purpose that is far bigger and more significant to their own existence....." I couldn't have said it better!! This life is SO not about us!! Our marriages are not about us! More importantly, it's about what God wants to do in and through us.

The family unit is so powerful!! Why do you think the Devil has had such an attack on it over all this time?? When man and wife can come together in unity fully devoted to God's purpose and power.... look out! I want this. I want us to be a mighty force for God in the lives of the lost. With God's help we'll get there. Satan uses so many things to keep us distracted and burdened it's just ridiculous. Even good things, he can twist and inflate them to consume our thinking and energies.

Overall, stepping outside my designed role happens most when I am being utterly selfish and not seeking the Lord. On page 133 Mary says "Roles speak to who we are more than they speak to what we do"  Lord, make me over from the inside out to be who You have designed me to be for Your purposes.

Appearance/ Body Language - Hannah

to Ann, me

Hey girlies!

WHOA...what a chapter.. I really liked this chapter- I found it to be so relevant.  Even today, I had a conversation at our office about women who don't respect themselves enough to keep their "goods" covered :) (Some of the guys in the shop have posters of skantily clothed women in back shop- and I was embarrassed to walk a client back in our shop today because of it..)  Anyway, focusing on the ME aspect.. I DO try to get attention from guys- even still, though I am married.  After the chapter last week on appearance- John and I had a convo- and I told him that I know how to dress and what to do to get attention if I want it.  John constantly challenges me to be content with myself and the way that I am - and that no man or no one is going to give me complete satisfaction- at least not by giving me compliments or saying the right things- it made me realize that I really need to find my worth and value in the Lord.  He needs to be the one I turn to, in addition to John, to find myself attractive.  "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30- I want to fear the Lord- I want my beauty to come from the inside out and I WANT TO BELIEVE that in my heart- I want to believe that in God's eyes I am SO beautiful- I want to learn to be satisfied in that relationship- John isn't a word person- so though I am, and he does try to make an effort to verbally compliment- he often times doesn't - and it isn't because he doesn't find me attractive or beautiful- but he just doesn't express his feelings through word- well, I find myself often times seeking verbally compliments from other men, if I feel I am lacking from John- TOTALLY WRONG- oh how I know this-- and it isnt as though I am seeking ANYTHING else from other guys- but every girl likes to be noticed..we all liked to be complimented..but if we seek that in a provocative way- or in  way that causes other men to think impure thoughts- then it is wrong.  In a convo between John and I- he was saying that if a guy chooses to look - that is his own fault- and though, yes, I agree- we are not making them look at us - however, dressing in a less than respectful way, and by just putting it out there- only asks and begs for them to look.  Though, I wouldn't say that I do that- I do know how to manipulate to get what I want..

I loved that Mary's son said, "Well... I would have to say that it excites the male in me, but it doesn't attract the man in me."  WOW.  I really liked that..and thought to myself- based on conversations John and I have had in the past- I can thankfully say that I believe John's response would be the same- it isn't as though you can completely ignore all of the "JUNK" out there- it is everywhere- billboards, tv, commercials, grocery store, next door, etc- but we can choose to ignore it and turn our heads and find contentment and true beauty that hopefully is flowing out from within :)

With a bit of emphasis on the appearance chapter- honestly, I really didn't like the chapter too much- I didn't feel that the appearance aspect was too applicable to me- though like I said before, I do know that I can dress to impress- and hopefully I am only seeking to do that in a way that honors God and makes me more attractive to my husband.  I did like that Mary said, "To begin, the Lord wants His girls to be stunningly beautiful.  But He repeatedly stresses that a woman's beauty- and her beautification- is something that primarily happens on the inside."

Oh how I love that I can be called one of the Lord's girls : ) and this statement was a great reminder that we should want to be beautiful- we should strive to beautiful- BUT we should recognize- that it ALL starts from within...

Anyway, hope you both have a SUPER great week : ) Love you both..love sharing this book with you both.  Until next week.. SORRY I was late on my appearance chapter- I had actually read it last Tuesday- but just never got around to writing my summary- in fact, right now- John went to bed an hr ago- and Bailey wasn't ready to sleep- so she is playing in the laundry basket next to me..and I just read this week's chapter...anyway, off to bed with us hopefully soon : )

Definitely praying, that I'll be able to teach Bailey by my actions how to dress and how to grow herself into a girl after God's heart : )

Love you both.
Hannah

Body Language - Ann

Hello my wonderful friends!

Wow what a chapter!

Oh how our culture goes against the ways of God, and how he intends us to live purely and freely!

Oh what an example we are called to be to others, as many are not as informed as we are!

I will say that I don't think of myself as a flirtatious seductive woman, however I am sure I am guilty of turning on my "charms" to others than my husband. I definitely do not want to purposely send someone the wrong message so, I will say I will be more mindful to what I am doing when it comes to my body language after reading this chapter.

I will also be more mindful of the body language I direct towards my husband. This chapter reminded me of what a great tool body language can be to not only strengthen my marriage but it can also be used as an outward sign to those in public of what a beautiful thing marriage is!

(Being more mindful of my body language today.......as Brian was sitting on the couch with the computer that I needed to use in order to type this note, I walked into the room with a big mischievous smile, not saying anything at all.....he said "what, you need the computer?....then he handed it over.....I said wow! you read my body language! : )  ......So much can be said without saying anything at all)

I liked how Mary points out that as married women we should increase our sexually inviting body language towards our husband. God created us with this great talent and how lucky are we as married women that we have wonderful husbands to direct it towards!

This chapter was also great reminder of the power we have as women........ and with great power comes great responsibility! : )

Lord, help us to have pure hearts, minds and actions!

I hope you both have  blessed week!

Body Language - Emily

Hi ladies! Wow does this chapter fly in the face of our culture or what?! I can't help but think of all the negative influences there are in this particular area - TV, of course, but magazines, billboards, advertising, all kinds of crazy stuff teaching us to use our bodies to get our way. How it must break God's heart!!

He's created us and designed us to be beautiful women and that "charm" he's given us is for our HUSBANDS. How much more healthy would marriages be if we kept it to just that?!?! Interesting thought.

This is definitely an area where I have caused many a man to stumble in the past :-( Hurts to admit that but it's true. Now I aim to be more 'inviting' towards my husband..... body language is a huge key between us. Brushing his hand away while I'm doing the dishes tells him the dishes are more important :-( He is more important, but how am I telling him that? When we are out in public is my attention and body language directed towards him (holding hands, walking close, looking at him) or am I wandering apart from him (together but not really engaged)? Make sense? Good food for thought for me here.

I love that Mary's son points out that "Everything about a woman who loves God is different" - I want to be refreshingly different from our culture. When our hearts and lives are totally sold out to God, our husbands have a treasure at home that is far better than anything (any woman) that the world may try to throw at them.

Praying we can have pure hearts, motives and 'moves' ;-)

Appearance - Ann

to me, Hannah

Hey Ladies!

Sorry this is so late!

I do not like being behind!

I did enjoy reading this chapter as Mary has some good points and a good way of looking at modesty.

I cannot say that I have ever thought of myself as an immodest person, nor do I care to have people's attention drawn to brought to me, causing me to dress in a way that would make me the center of attention. So, I guess I do not think that I struggle in this area too much.  I can say that I sometimes abscess over clothes and would always love to have more and more! I have been working on getting rid of clothes and my Dave Ramsey budget helps me to not buy clothes as much as I used to. When it comes to make-up I will confess that I am not the girliest girl and my mom made me get make-up for my 21st B-day....Ha...I knew that once I started wearing make-up I would not want to go with-out it. And now I feel I NEED to wear make-up. I do not like to wear and excessive amount of make-up but, I do feel like I have bad skin and need to have some on to look good.....perhaps I am a bit vain in this area.
Growing up I remember having the worst time finding shorts, swim-suites and dresses that fit me properly.....that covered me up enough..... that were long enough.........according to my moms specifications, and I would get so frustrated..... I understood in a way that I did not want to be immodest and show too much skin because my mom said so.

I did not think of clothing as Mary point out in the book as"as an outward visible symbol of an inward spiritual reality. When you put on Christ, he covers your shame, and makes you what you should be."

I would say that when I am shopping I do struggle with knowing was it and is not immodest......I don't want to have clothes that are too tight, or too baggy, so I will keep Mary's guidelines in mind. "She adorns herself with respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control."

1) Is it becoming or unbecoming? (respectable)

2) Is it decent or indecent? (modest)

3) Is it moderate or excessive? (self-control)

I  will say experienced a similar experience to Mary at the Hockey game at the beginning of the chapter this past weekend. Brian and I were at an outdoor car show on Sat evening. I was blown away with how many young women were literally dressed like prostitutes. It was sad to see how many girls do not value who they truly are as a women, and were obviously seeking the wrong kind of attention, acceptance and/or affection.....: (

Well, I need to get to reading so I can post my comments for this weeks chapter!

I am so glad we are reading this together!

I am so thankful we are all friends!

I love you girls!

Lord, thank you for you many blessing especially for the wonderful friendships you have blessed us with! Continue to help us to grow and be the wise and holy women you want us to be!