Teachability - Emily

Ok, of all the chapters this was the most encouraging read for me; in fact, I really enjoyed it. I will say that I can identify with Sally, Fran and Sue in a few ways and at certain times of my life.... BUT I am so hungry for more of Christ! 

In looking back on past experiences and just trying to get to know myself better I realized I have a hard time taking someone's critique or being told I'm doing something wrong, most likely linked to pride or insecurities. I know my husband gets frustrated that we seem to have the same 'difficult conversations' over and over without much change happening. But I am working on trying to leave the emotions aside and focus on the real issues we are dealing with or the roots of frustrations (disrespect, entitlement, blabbermouth, etc). If I allow my feeling and emotions to flare up I spend the whole 'conversation' trying to prove my right-ness and lick my emotional wounds; but if I can hold my tongue and see the bigger picture it's much easier to see and work on the offending habit/choice/words/whatever. Make sense? That was kind of a rant.
It seemed like I was attracted to the 'solutions' for each of the women described. For Simple Sally Mary says that she must eagerly study the Word. Can I get and Amen here?! Yes please! The more I read the more I want to read, the Bible is just so awesome. The only living and active book, full of new treasures for each day. I wish I could study more but there are the demands of life too. God knows my position and I feel like He honors my desire to know and can teach me in the time I have (so I can stop wishing for a 4-hour stay at a coffee shop table). For Foolish Fran she says she needs to learn to love God's ways and develop self-control. I feel like that nails me to a T. That's right where I am, wanting to know and love Him more, and to curb my flesh and allow Him to work through me more. And oh Scoffing Sue, that was me, I was her. I knew in my head right from wrong but did not care. And then, I did encounter Christ - and the dam broke, floodwaters of doing life 'by myself' flowed out (meaning I cried at lot; actually there was a season I quit wearing makeup to church because I knew I was just going to cry... looking back it was the Holy Spirit sweetly wooing me to Himself). Sadly it still took me a couple years to come around to knowing Him and wanting Him more (I still feel like I'm in the infancy of Christianity) - but boy I am I glad I came to know Jesus for real!
And I love how Mary talks about how the fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom. I do pray for wisdom often but hadn't tied it in with my fearing Him. "To fear God means to be ever aware of His all-pervasive presence, conscious of my absolute need for Him, mindful of my responsibility to follow His way, determined to obey Him, cautious of offending Him, and overwhelmed in amazement and gratitude at His incredible goodness and grace" (pg249) - Wow. And this not being a list of "works" but and total direction of our heart attitude; not something to be striven towards in my own strength but a need to fall on my knees and beg Him to change my desires and understanding.
And Mary ends the chapter talking about Wisdom. A woman in a summer small group (on Proverbs) encouraged us to take time to read Proverbs 8 and in place of the word wisdom read Jesus, and we will see that wisdom IS Jesus, Jesus IS wisdom. The closer I grow to Him the more I will grow in His wisdom.

Lord, I am so thankful for these sweet friends of mine. Thank you for this book that we've read together. Thank You that Your Word challenges us to continue to grow, not to get complacent. I praise You for who You are! Please soften our hearts to Your correction and instruction; lead us to humility, knowing that we must decrease and You must increase in us. Help us to not forget these things, but to walk forward with greater understanding.

 Amen

Sustainability - Ann

Thank you for being real Emily. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. 

I cannot say that any chapter in this book has been easy to read, as each one challenges me to think to change, to grow and improve.

I was able to peacefully read this chapter in the quiet of the forest in my tree stand as I awaited the big buck to come by .....that did not come.

As I reflected on this chapter a few things came to mind.

I can thank God for my shyness, which I used to think of as curse. I have always been called shy and to me being called shy was like being call dump and ugly. However, I think it was a blessing to me in this area. As I have mentioned before I think I am boring when it comes to my dating history, but at the same time am very thankful. As a teenager I had crushes on a few guys, but a crush cannot go far when you are too shy to talk to them. God has a plan for all of us and I prayed and waited for a guy to come along that was really worth investing my time in. He did come by, my one and only boyfriend, who later became my husband. We decided to save sex until marriage even through our 4 years of dating and we were so thankful we did. 

God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and friend and after reading this chapter I was once again reminded that I need to not take that relationship I have with my husband  for granted. I need to better at building him up, focusing on him more and being less selfish when it comes to our relationship. I need to not complain about him, or tear him down."The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down" (proverbs 14:2). 

Mary points out that "God is our Creator He knows what is best for us. We disrespect God when we reject his pattern and purpose for our lives" God does know what is best for me but sometimes I forget this and try to tell God how things should be, do things my own way instead of turning myself over to him.  I do not want to disrespect God, but I will say I am guilty of this when I do not see things going my way or try to manipulate things to go my way. Oh I am a stubborn girl sometimes.

Thank you ladies for being such good friends to me!

How are my  relationships going? I think my marriage is good, but of course it can be better and I will continue to work at it. When I think about this question in regards to friendships in general I will say I can be much better. I love getting to know people and I know I love being liked, but I struggle with keeping up with people with continuing and growing relationships. I know life gets busy, but I really feel like I can be better in reaching out to people rather then waiting for them to reach out to me. I think this chapter is challenging me to reach out to some friends i have neglected. Wow! When I stop and think about it God has blessed me with so many wonderful friends and family member. He has placed so many great people in my life and I need to better at building up those relationships.

"Encourage one another and build one another up" Thessalonians 5:11

Lord thank you for those people you have put our my lives that we can call friends. You have blessed us with so much. Help us to continue to seek you above all else, as you teach us how to grow and improve our relationships with others. May we always be respectful of others seeking to honor you in all we do.

Sustainability - Emily

Ok, this is a difficult chapter for me to digest. Because of my poor choices prior to marriage and having recently "lost" two friends due to (what I think was) communication issues, I've struggled with an overwhelming negative 'cloud' regarding this stuff. BUT Praise Jesus, He is good and He already knows everything that has happened and is yet to happen in my life - so I trust He is still interested in working His good purposes in me.

I have often wondered where material like this was back when I was so susceptible to the call of my flesh and the world. But then, would I have even listened? I didn't have a relationship with Jesus then and really no regard or respect for God's laws. I knew right from wrong in my head but the passions that guided my choices were entirely selfish. - So I certainly walked in disrespect towards God. I am grieved by those wrong choices and haunted by the statistics stacked against me because of them BUT I can praise Him all the more for Christ's sacrifice which covers each and every sin with his pure and perfect blood. I really want to give Him more and more of me each new day, to completely lose myself in Him.

And am I respectful towards others? Hmm... I'd like to think so but I imagine there are times when I am not. When I stop and think about it, I am shocked at how completely selfish I can be. It's terrible. Sure things might look nice and pretty from the outside but how often am I seeking an ulterior motive? Mary says "Women, don't forget that when you hurt your husband, you hurt yourself.... A Girl-Gone-Wise does not tear down. She is a builder, not a destroyer. She demonstrates respect." Wowzers. I'd be afraid to see my encouragement weighed out next to my criticism. Afraid it would tip in the wrong way :-(  Sadly I can be quick to critique the one whom God gave me as my best friend for now and forever, rather than seeing the bigger picture and purposefully building him up each day. And I confess even with my friends, sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in "talking" about someone, something, some issue etc. but if it isn't edifying it's better left unsaid right?! Am I bold enough to stop myself or pointedly redirect a conversation? Phil 4:8 comes to mind here "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, think (talk) about such things.

I can honestly say that I think I need a good dose of work in this area. Being willing to reach out, listen and connect with those who matter to me; not letting too much time pass between. Really letting people know that they matter to me.

Lord I pray that Your truths would resonate in our hearts this week. How you see us, and how you desire us to walk out our relationships modeling Your love. Help us to lay ourselves down so that Your love can flow through us. I pray that we are willing to put effort into growing and nurturing our relationships this week. And as Your Spirit leads could you keep our eyes open to others who may need a good solid friendship.

Influence - Ann

Hello Friends!

"A Girl-Gone -Wild exerts and is affected by negative influence. A Girl-Gone-Wise exert and is affected by positive influence"

I know that positive influence plays a huge part in my life! I know that when i am positive it helps those around me, and of course I find it so much more enjoyable to be around positive people. I also know that when I am negative it is detrimental to those around me. I see this especially in my marriage. When I am negative and unhappy, then Brian is the same way and when Brian is being negative it is easy to fall into the negativity trap!

I enjoyed the first little story in the beginning about the mother talking about her son's girlfriend as being such a blessing to her son, that she builds him up and has helped him be a better version of himself. What a compliment! I remember when Brian and I were first dating, and he decided that he wanted to start going to church with our family. He wanted to learn more about God and I will say that he did start to make positive changes that his family noticed, and his mom, who is a very Christian lady, was very impressed with him, as it was easy to see that God was definitely working in Brian's life. Then we come to the present and as his wife I believe that it is my vocation to help my husband reach heaven......what a big responsibility! After reading the passage I had to stop and think, and hope that I am still and will continue to be a godly positive influence for my hubby, as I want to do my husband "good and not harm, all the days of my life" (Proverbs 31:12)

Mary moves on to talk about the"Wild Thing" leading the young man into sin and how being bad influence and leading others away from God is a horrible sin. Jesus says in Matthew 18:6 "Whoever causes on of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea" Wow! I had read this passage before but I found it to be a great reminder, that not only does it hurt God when I choose to disobey him, but when I choose to disobey and to influence others to do the same, oh how it must hurt Him, and how much more serious that is! I hope and pray that I can be a good example to others as I have no desire to lead others into sin! I agree with Mary in that I "fail to appreciate the seriousness of sin" in my everyday life. Christ died for me, Christ died to save the whole world! Thanks be to God! I pray that I will stop and think about what I do and how I influence others, as I do not want to continue to crucify God with my sins.

When I got to part where Mary talks about those we choose to surround ourselves with I became a bit defensive. I totally agree with what she says here, but I must confess that I have struggled in this area , and like the young man I have thought that "I can just hang out for a short while", or "Maybe I can help, maybe I can be a positive influence on this person". During these times I have found myself led into sin or in situations or places that I would normally stay away from. Mary points out that God not only wants us to not be a negative influence on others, He wants us to avoid negative people. I did become a bit defensive here, as I know that If am trying my best to stay close to God and being a good person/ positive influence on others than those people who have strayed from God, who need him the most need that positive influence more than anybody... right?!

After pondering on this and looking back on my personal failings when I thought I could be that positive influence on others, I think I went about it all wrong, because I let those people lead me into their way of life instead of having them come see how life is with God. I hope this makes some sort of sense.......oh how the devil is a trickster! 

So, I know that Mary is right, that is why I try to surround myself with good God-centered people and avoid the negative ones , I guess I just get frustrated that I have been weak in the past when trying to be that positive influence, and have failed : )

As Proverbs 13:20;14:7 points out that "Positive inluencers not only surround themselves with positive influence; they are also careful to avoid negative influence. They are acutely aware of their own susceptibility to sin, to they do not form close associations with people who influence them to compromise their obedience to God. I know I must really pray and discern how to be the best influence on those that God brings into my life who have tenancy to be a negative influence on me.

I agree with, and found the following passage to make wonderful sense; "A wise woman knows that it's not her words but her behavior that carries the biggest clout when it comes to compelling change. The more Christlike you are, the more positive your influence will be. If you truly want to influence someone else for good, you won't focus on changing his/her behavior you will focus on changing your behavior. You'll work at becoming more godly and interacting with him/her in a more godly way." I pray I can be better at this! 

Lord, I am a sinner! Please forgive me for my failings. Teach me true humility and strength of character! Lord help me to me more like you!  Help me to be a positive influence on all who I meet! May my behavior and actions exude your love so that I can show you to others in how I live.

Love and blessings to you both!

I hope this finds you having a happy and holy Sunday! : )

Influence - Emily

I am absolutely positive that influence is powerful!! When I worked retail I remember working with one other woman who was very 'hard' (cold, difficult, mad at the world, etc.), she was nice after we got to know each other but we were definitely on different ends of the spectrum. And of course I thought I would win her over to the 'good side' - wrong. after working about a year or so, spending a great deal of time with her I had morphed into a moody two-faced person who one manager even said she was afraid to talk to me some days. Aaagh! I was ashamed when I heard that and I felt bad; but looking back I can absolutely see how/why that happened. I was so trying to 'be a good witness' and say all the right things on the surface but my heart wasn't in the right place. It would have been more effective to button my 'Jesus trap' and just walk in good character, then maybe she would have asked me about why I was the way I was. Can't do it over again, but I certainly learned from that. We really are affected by the company we keep!!
Overall I would say I'm good at avoiding negative influences, but I'm sure there are areas that need improvement. For example, tonight I was sucked into reading all the magazine fronts at the grocery store - all that stuff is garbage, I ought to ignore it!! *And the TV. Honestly, I can be a bug to the light just like anybody else, but if you actually watch what you're watching it is all negative junk set on making us unhappy with what we have and where we are.
I really hope I am a good influence on others, but I'm not sure there's a good way to gauge that... (??)
What has stood out to me the most was how Mary talked about our character needing to be our biggest influence. And really that isn't something we can force when we are with us - it's just being who we are. That's actually very freeing and pressing to me at the same time. Freeing in that when my character is good I don't need to strive to impress or positively influence, it will be a natural outflow of my life... and pressing in that I'm sure there are a lot of flaws in my character that could use some attention. But little by little I trust that God is working in me !!

I really liked how Mary said towards the end "She gives very little in the way of advice.." I have found that in various 'mom circles' they are loaded with legalism on how we should be raising our kids. I've done it, soapboxed about some formula or method or whatever.... but I am really trying to be more aware of that and not offer info unless I am asked and even then only as a suggestion of something that worked for us, not as the only possible thing that might work at all ever.

And PRAYER! How often do I pray but then fully charge ahead in whatever I think is right or best or whatever. I am reminded to pray and TRUST that it's in His hands and He's got it; being patient to wait for the outcome(Phil 2:13)

Love you ladies!! Hope you're having a good weekend :-)

Influence - Hannah

This week's chapter- well, Ann prepped me for the chapter before I read it- so I was ready to be defensive; however, I actually rather liked the chapter and agreed with most of it!  Influence- everyone is affected by influence- positive or negative- music, tv, computer, people.  I've constantly heard you are who your friends are- it is so easily to be influenced by those we are around- I'd like to say that I am always positive- but I am not- I feel like stress and emotions sometimes get the best of me and instead of giving those to the Lord and trying to maintain my positiveness, I am easily swayed to be negative and have a bad attitude- obviously, I know that when I am positive things are better- and I am a more loving person then...John constantly tells me that for me to have a bad attitude can ruin his day- he may be negative, but he relies on me being positive to make things better : ) Mary said, "The "respectful" and 'pure" conduct of the women is what would have the greatest impact.  I want to be respectful and pure- I was to be exuding positivity at all times- I want people to want to be around me, because they see something in me (Christ) that makes me positive and different.  "The more Christlike you are, the most positive your influence will be.  If you truly want to influence someone else for good, you won't focus on changing his behavior.  You'll focus on changing your behavior."  I want to have a positive influence- I need to not be solely focused on how other people are or where they are at- but focus on where I am at and who I am.  I need to focus on me representing Christ- and know that He will use me, especially when I am positive and loving life.
Lord, please forgive me for being so easily influenced by surroundings and negative situations/outcomes- help me to give each day to You, so that I can choose to be positive everyday- EVEN when it's easier to be negative.  Help me to shut Satan down when he tries to intervene- he has a sly way of sneaking in- help me to stay strong and focused on You, so that I do not give him a foothold.  Lord, I pray for Ann and Em- help them and me focus on being more like You- help us to seek You wholeheartedly and look for opportunities to influence others in positive ways.  Thank you for loving us and for being so understanding- and just meeting us where we are at- may we honor You in ALL that we do this week!

Speech - Emily

I can honestly say this is an area where God has been drawing my
attention to lately... and it's not exactly fun for me. But good.
The Holy Spirit gently convicts after I've said something that
could have been left unsaid and then I'm kicking myself, wondering
if I'll ever get this stuff right. Specifically in the area of my
words about my husband. He is an amazing man, I am very grateful
for the many difficult sacrifices he makes for our family - but
would my speech portray that to others? I am often, regrettably,
quick to speak of his shortcomings or things that frustrate me if
the bandwagon is headed in that direction :-( I truly desire to
cultivate more uplifting/promoting/

encouraging speech about him
(and others in general).

I have a lot of underlines and stars and arrows and side notes in
this chapter, but I'll say that Mary hits the nail on the head in
her final paragraph. Yes, our culture is constantly coming at us with
words and moving us to use words etc. to the point where it's now
generally really awkward to sit in silence with someone, or to be
able to actually be a good listener without feeling like we have
2 cents to throw in all the time. God's picture and desire for us
is so totally opposite.

I was raised in a very talkative environment. My husbands family is
rather introverted. After spending a good amount of time with his
aunt working on various sewing projects together I have learned from
her how to practice and enjoy 'comfortable silence' - and the crazy
part is, I really enjoy that now. It's almost like the pressure valve
is released, I don't have to work up random things to talk about if
there isn't really anything to say AND the best part is that we're
less likely to be sinning when we just enjoy each others presence.
{Pr 10:19} I think some of this also has to do with my identity in
Christ, as I grow in knowing who I am in Him, the less I feel like
I have to impress or appease others just based on the cultural norm.

Unfortunately I do still find myself using my words to my advantage
and in pursuit of ulterior motives with my husband sometimes.
Certainly an area that could use some attention, being able to be
wholly and completely honest in my responses and intentions. God
sees my heart so I'm really only hurting myself (and my relationship
with Him) when I am deceitful - whether on purpose or out of bad habits.

Mary didn't necessarily cover this in the chapter but it's been on my
heart (I think I shared some last week) but I desire to see myself grow
in the area of conversation with others that matters. Sometimes I get
tired of talking about the same random casual things when I really just
want to know what's going on in someone's heart and life. I pray that
the Lord will walk me to a deeper more loving level of conversing with
and caring for others. What good is it if we as friends aren't willing
to share with and minister to each other?? (figuratively, not just us
3, but us included).

Lord I think you for your wisdom and your work in us. Thank you that
your Spirit is gentle and kind as you call us to more love with you
and more transformation of our lives. The only thing that matters is
You living out your love through us so I ask that we would continually
lay ourselves down and invite You in to mold and shape us. Keep a
watch over our words and bring prompt conviction when needed so that
we can confess, repent and not give up on the battle over our tongues.
Amen

Speech - Hannah

Wow.  Words.  I love words..sometimes I am too full of them, sometimes I'm without them...words are powerful.  This chapter was a good reminder of being quick to listen and slow to speak...so often I speak out of frustration- which doesn't build anyone up.  Ann, I liked how you read it as permission to be quiet sometimes..and I agree...sometimes I think we can über still and just listen.
I have a lot to work on from this chapter...sometimes in anger or frustration it is easier to ter down than build up- it was a good reminder to watch what I say.
"You don't have to nag." "You don't have to be proved right."  Whoa...pride comes into play here..nagging when things don't get done..or feeling like I have to be told I'm right -what a reminder / reality check- Hannah, you need to set back and honor God and others with your words.
I pray that we all be quick to listen and slow to speak in all circumstance.  Love you girlies.

Speech - Ann

Mary writes in the beginning of the chapter, "wild thing, her speech is excessive (much), duplicitous (smooth) and manipulative (seductive).......this doesn't sound attractive at all.

This chapter, really made me stop and think once again, as many of these chapters have. It caused me to think about how much I talk and the quality of my talking.

I realize that sometimes we have to talk about things that are not necessarily fun to talk about, but even in those times I can choose my words wisely.

When I am frustrated with my hubby I can say things in a way that can build him up and help the situation or I can tear him down.

As I mentioned to Emily on Monday, I took her prayer to heart last week and knew that the next chapter was about speech, and although I had not read the whole chapter, but pondering on Em's prayer and what I had read of the chapter helped me on Fri and Sat. On Friday and Saturday my hubby had particularly irritated me with his lack of cleaning/following through with his end of the housekeeping duties. When I left for work on Friday I left irritated after Brian made a comment in the effect of how he didn't want to clean up after anyone but himself......, and he had let the dishes pile up in the sink (he is the dish doer). So I came home for lunch to see that nothing in the way of cleaning had gotten done. When I got home I instead of being tense and irritated, I didn't nag him about anything, but as I left in the evening to meet up with some friends for dinner I did suggest that it would give him plenty of time to get all the dishes done.......and I chose to say this in a nice way without being winy. I came home to find that he had done some dishes but not all of them. Instead of complaining I decided to thank him fr what he did do as I really appreciated it. Then, on Sat I was gone most of the day at a conference and instead of nagging Brian about everything I thought he should be/could be doing such as : cleaning our basement, cleaning the garage, mowing the lawn, finishing the dishes or maybe fixing up the car he bought a couple of weeks ago that he hasn't done anything with.........I just thought I would keep all my negative words to myself and ask God to guide and direct what I should say and to help me to not get so irritated about the small stuff. So I get home around 5pm on Sat to find the dishes were still undone, the lawn still needed mowed, the car untouched and the basement still a mess.......and hubby taking a nap on the couch. Call me a complaining wife but at this point I wanted yell at him and throw a fit, as I felt he was being too lazy. However, I knew throwing a fit was not what a wise woman would do.......Instead I took the dog on a walk and I was able to pray and clear my head. I returned home with a new attitude. I decided to spend 1 hr cleaning and then sat down with Brian on the couch. He woke up and preceded to tell me how he had worked on cleaning up the garage most of the day..........and then I thought "Thank you Lord for helping me curb my tongue! We had a very nice rest of the weekend and it was so peaceful!  Long story....maybe I am being excessive but anyways, after reading this chapter I have been more aware of how my words can not only affect my husband but all who I speak to throughout the day. 

I have struggled in the past with being extremely shy and quiet. I used to think that in social situations it was best not to talk as no one would care what I had to say. No joke, I used to think like this.I have come a long way, but I would still consider myself a little bit shy. Now having said this over the years as I have "come out of my shell" as they say, I have practiced the mindset that I have to be talking if I am around people. I am content being quiet but there is a part of my brain that tells me I have to talk when people are around, so when Mary said " restraining words means that you don't have to have an opinion on everything. You don't have to comment on everything that happens. You don't have to have an answer to every question"......she goes on to say "It means you are quick to listen, but slow to speak (James1:19)" I enjoyed this, of course i know this but it was nice to be told this. It reminded me that just talking to talk is not what God wants of me, he wants me to talk but to be mindful of what I say and how I say it. I saw it as permission to be quiet.

At the end of the chapter Mary has a bunch of questions to ponder and I will say that I can improve my speech. I can talk less in many situations, be truly sincere when I compliment people, and be more mindful of how and what I say as I do not want to be manipulative.

"She keeps her tongue from evil and her lips from speaking guile." 1Peter3:10

Lord may our lips always proclaim your praise, as we want to show you to others in how and what we choose to say. May what we say be thought-out, honest and true, and said in a way as to not manipulate or seduce.

Please know you are both in my thoughts and prayers. Love you both!

Reliability - Ann

I think of myself as a reliable person. But after reading the chapter I will say I feel bad for getting behind on my reading and thoughts...............It was quite unreliable of me. 

"The girl gone wise is faithful, loyal and dependable. The heart of her husband trusts her, She's a woman of her word." When it come to reliability and my husband I had to stop and think about it. I think I do pretty well, but there are areas such as always making sure their is dinner to eat, and making sure his clothes are clean where I do slack off once in a while. Not always coming home when I said I would be home. Brian trusts me, but there are times when I get caught up in myself or other things, where he gets neglected. I know that with our opposite schedules, it is easy for us to get caught up in our own little worlds, so there is definitely room to improve when it comes to reliability and my hubby. I know i can work on incorporating the "our" more than the "my."

Mary reminds us that "Marriage is much more than a human covenant, it is a covenant with God." and that God wants us to be faithful to others as he is to us, and "when we are faithful to a covenant we put God on display." How great to be reminded of how important our marriages are and that by being faithful to our spouses and commitments we are putting God on display....how neat! I didn't really think about it like that!

God wants us to be faithful just as He is faithful to us and how wonderful that He is faithful to us "God remembers his promises forever" Psalm 111:5 and Tim 2:13 " His is never unfaithful. Not ever! If we are faithless he remains faithful-for he cannot deny himself." Wowzer! our God is good, and he loves us so much! 

I may add more thoughts later but for now I need to go to bed : )

Jesus, I pray that we may be true women of our word. Dependable, truthful, faithful and reliable in all things as you are for us!

Reliability - Emily

Reliability. Knowing this was the topic of the chapter I was thinking ahead of time that yes, I am mostly reliable in my dealings with others. But of course, Mary's Scripture for the chapter is more direct "The heart of her HUSBAND trusts in her" Pr 31:11 - Ok, well, sadly I think I'm not as reliable to him as I desire to be.  I often break my word to my husband and especially to God. Thankfully God is always forgiving to true repentance and hubby is very forgiving most of the time too.

Mary says (pg 204) "People yearn to have friends that are as loyal, reliable, and trustworthy." Being created in God's image of fellowship we all have this longing - The thing that comes to mind here is that hubby and I are each other's best friend, doesn't that call me to an even higher standard of loyalty, etc? I think so. But often I can let the demands/distractions of the here and now get in my way of fulfilling what I told him I would do. I know he gets disappointed when I do not honor my word (who wouldn't?) His desires should be the first on my 'lists' (after God's of course).

Mary also mentions the use of words on the bottom of pg 204 - Sadly, I often catch myself using "my" more than "our" :-(  An area I really need to humble myself in.

I like the mental picture she offers that a covenant is a framework. As though it's the structure a healthy relationship is built around. Jesus is our foundation and faithfulness the 'bones' of our house. And the whole paragraph there about how faithful God is - leaves me awestruck at His goodness. Especially 2 Tim 2:13 "If we are faithless, he remains faithful"

And the truth that the Spirit is present in our covenant union. Talking about the nations of Israel Mary says "When they were unfaithful to each other they were unfaithful to God" ... then on the next page "When we are faithful to a covenant we put God on display" Wow. So often I guess I am just thinking about myself.... and not even accounting for the greater picture involved here.

Oh words. God is a silent witness to our every word. Some days I pray for a holy button on my trap because I know I'm going to need it ;-)  Matt 5:37 is written up on our fridge right now because God has shown me that is a key area of my parenting that needs work but it also transcends into all other areas. I'm a woman. I like to talk. But really, I am asking for an overflow of God's Spirit and discernment to help me control my mouth. I want to be known for quality conversation more than lots of idle chatter. I want my words to count for eternity.

Heavenly Father, I ask that You would draw near to each of us over this weekend and reveal more of your closeness to us, giving us a better understanding of how present you really are in all the things we say and do. Amen.

Entitlement - Ann

Instant gratification, this is what our culture preaches, having everything handed to you, the easy life, no pain, no suffering, telling us we "deserve" to always feel good. Telling us it is okay if if feels good. Oh, how it is easy to get caught up in this way of  thinking that we are" entitled:" to all things good. I know I get off track thinking that life should be easy, I feel entitled to be able to sleep in , I feel I deserve to have a treat before I go to bed every night. I deserve to always be happy, I deserve to have nice things. After reading this chapter I am reminded of how selfish these thoughts and the entitled way of life is! It's not all about Me me Me!

As Mary points out "A girl gone wise knows that the highest pleasure exists in denying self and willingly bearing the cross of Christ. She forfeits earthly gratification for the eternal joy that God has set before her. She sacrifices lesser joys for infinitely greater ones. She knows and accepts that on this side of heaven Christian discipleship is a costly, uncomfortable painful and even bloody business."

Dying to oneself and denying what I want and making sacrifices, thinking about what God wants. 

Mary talks about those who have been persecuted for  their faith, beaten, tortured, and martyred. How amazingly strong their faith was! It makes me stop and think about how easy I have it, and perhaps how weak I am. Could I, would I be willing to die for  my faith?  Wow! I would hope so, but I also hope I would not have to face the circumstances.

When Mary talked about self indulgence two areas in my life came to mind right away that I need to continue to work on , and they are sleep and sweets.  This sounds kinda dumb butI could sleep all of the time, the morning is the hardest for me, so I set my alarm early, and push the snooze button, and snooze, oh how I dislike getting out of bed in the morning! It has caused my morning prayer time to lessen as I indulge in sleep........then, when I am going to bed I have a bad habit of indulging in sweets in bed most nights. I tell myself I deserve a treat. I do not think it is a horrible thing, but an indulgence that i do not need every night. Of course I have other areas, but these two plague me daily and I know that by denying myself these indulgences, and making little sacrifices would be a good thing!

Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" Luke 9:23 Yes, we all have big and little crosses everyday that we carry, but if we can embrace them and carry them without complaint for the greater glory of God, knowing that with his help we can get through anything and that all things are possible, what a better world it would be!

Jesus, help us to carry our crosses daily, may we become small, so that you may become big in us. May we seek you so that the true joy that you give, which is "sweeter than all pleasure" can take the place of all lesser and empty pleasures. Amen!

Entitlement - Emily

What a doozy. It's so easy to point fingers at our culture regarding this message... but what does God want to do in me in this area?

First off, I am humbled every time I read accounts of martyrs and those under persecution. We don't experience that here in the U.S. (yet) so sometimes it just doesn't feel like a part of reality. But it is real and He could ask it of me some day. Do I love Jesus that much? Part of me is real hesitant to answer and the other part wants to stand up and shout 'yes. bring it on.' I know the he loves me  and anything/everything in my life is Father-filtered. Rom 8:28

"A Girl-Gone-Wise knows that the highest pleasure exists in denying self and willingly bearing the cross of Christ." pg 197- I have certainly found this to be true. Not easy, but true. In marriage, when I lay down my selfish or 'justified' desires, God brings about great peace in His way and timing. I feel like I am good at denying myself in some areas but still need a lot of work in others. There are so many 'levels' of denying self that I'm sure He'll always be working on something in me.

{Girl-Gone-Wild} "She denies that she is vulnerable to sin or accountable to anyone else for her behavior." pg 198- Wowzers. We are VERY vulnerable to sin, and when I start thinking I've got something under control, pride slips in and I fall. I know I need to beg God for His power to work in me to resist temptation. Because His Spirit is the still small voice it can be so easy to tune out or pretend I don't hear it. And yes absolutely we are accountable to others in any stage of life. Especially now I have 4 little eyes and ears watching me but even more than that I'm accountable to my husband. Sin and junk and an entitled attitude does severely affect our relationship. So often even the 'secret sin' manifests itself in other areas of our lives.

*Thought it interesting that she lists romance novels as a form of indulgence. Never thought about that before but the more I do, the more I realize how "off" they are. I read romance novels of my mom's in middle school and they exposed me to more than I think is appropriate for that age, and paint a very false picture of what life and love and men really are.

1 Tim 5:6 "She who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives" - the saddest part of this is that I can get so caught up in seeking to satisfy my own desires that I am completely missing what He wants to do in and through me in the moment.... and I don't even realize it. I have to pray for His contentment more than my comfort!! Sure there are a lot of ways I could be more comfortable right now, but God is doing something SO much bigger in us. No idea what, but He's called me to wait on Him - so I shall :-)

Mary wraps up with Luke 9:23 "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me" I would say that even more than daily, this is a moment by moment thing for me. An area I am still working on, is giving God my day and allowing Him to direct it - I can get real caught up in an agenda and completely run my own show.... makes a mess.

And to end she says the 'joy of Christ is sweeter than all other pleasures' and yes yes yes it is!!! I think I'll write that on a note card for myself - His joy is so much greater than anything else I could seek. And He can give me that joy even in the midst of a hard time or difficult situation. He is SO good.

I don't know about you two, but I'm loving the confirmations of who God is as we read. Yes, I am fallen and a sinful mess most times - but the more important aspect is that my eyes are turned towards Him and I'm open to His work in me!

Lord, I pray we will seek you for all things, knowing that in your perfect timing and way you do desire to bless and reward us, not only here on earth but more importantly someday in heaven with you!!

Possession- Ann

Possessions...I know I highlighted many areas in this chapter.So many great points and little refreshing reminders.

I can say that I have gotten better in this area, as Brian and I are on a tight budget in order to finish paying off debt, and not adding debt..

By taking time to make a monthly budget and then sticking to it is not easy but it has helped us both reign in unnecessary spending and I can say that, more now than ever I am trying my best to be thankful for all of the blessings that God has given me and trying my darndest to be content and happy with what I currently have rather than buying stuff.

Along with having a strict budget to stick to I can also say that we do well in the giving department thanks to Brian, he has what calls his "giving bone" which has helped me to be more generous with our money when it comes to donating to church and other good causes. And I will say it is amazing how when you give and trust in the Lord, he does provide!

Mary points out that buying unnecessary things and being materialistic to fill a void is not wise, a wise girl understands that everything comes from God. How true this is. Although I can be do my best to be content with what I have, I do feel that I sometimes get very attached to my things.  I do forget that everything I have is a gift from God; money, family, friends, possessions, time, personal talents,  and my whole life, and when God wants me to give or give up things I must remember that nothing is truly mine, it is God's and I must be willing to do what God want's me to do with His gifts.

Sweet Jesus help us to be continuously grateful for the gifts you have bestowed on us. Help us to be good stewards of those gifts, and I also pray that we may always cling to you and not to the fleeting things of this world!

Possessions - Emily

Hmmm... possessions. I made several underlines in this chapter - lots of good little nuggets about our hearts being turned towards God in ALL things. Since I don't specifically earn an income I feel like the 'money issue' isn't as hard for me. I am 'in charge' of certain areas of spending, I can either be mindful or extravagant in those areas... and I've certainly been both. I honestly don't feel like I over-indulge in spending money on myself at all. Sure, I'd really love to go clothes shopping and get pedicures every 6 weeks, but the clothes I have are fine and I already own the polish from my cupboard. Not to say there's anything wrong with something new or some pampering, but it's important for me to make sure it's accounted for in the 'budget' and not going to be an extravagance that causes regret and stress as we near the end of the month. All that to say, I feel like I have a decent handle on the money thing....

BUT I have some serious refining to do in the way I spend my time. God has been showing me this softly over the last several weeks. I have a lot of 'loose' time in my weeks where I'm not really doing much of anything. I know that I could be using my time more efficiently and being a better model for my girls in that area. And with all the 'free time' I have there is no good reason that our house should be such a mess all the time..... again, an area I need some work on. I would have to say that my girls are a 'god' in the area of how I spend my time.... they get a lot of it. It's a balance issue.

And I know certain things are meant for certain seasons of life. I'd love to have a more 'open' home but right now that isn't the best for us.

At the beginning of the chapter Mary states "The Bible's perspective differs from the world's. Constantly buying stuff is not a trait of a woman who's smart..." And I immediately thought of 'retail therapy' and how much we can use that.... but what a better choice to use 'God therapy' by taking everything to Him in our times of stress and depending on Him for the things we need. Sometimes I am way to quick to rush out and buy something when I find out shortly after I've spent the $$ that somebody else had one they were giving away, or we didn't really need that item, or it doesn't actually work well, or hubby doesn't like it.... or any other of a slew of possibilities. I desire to get better at giving my desires to God and then listening to His Spirit to guide me.

And when Mary talks of the woman with the vase she says "The woman disregarded the vase until an expert told her the item's true worth. That's when she began to treasure it." and this made me think of my Bible, or the Bible in general. How many homes have dusty Bibles on shelves, not being valued.... but what a treasure His Word is!! It's the most important resource we have!! And He desires so much to speak to us through His Word. *Not really a possession issue, but something important that came to mind*

"In His economy, the truly rich woman is the one whose main aim in life is to serve Him as King. Her wealth lies in the currency of faith and good works, opening her hands to the poor, and reaching out her hands to the needy. She has a heavenly bank balance that no one can steal and nothing can erode." Wow - Couldn't sum it up better than that!

Of all the great thing He gives us, I pray that our deep desire would be to give back to Him as much as we possibly can; not in comparison to others, but out of a genuine love for Him!!

Possessions - Hannah

Just submitting my thoughts early, so that I'm not late again :) this week's chapter was interesting..I don't think that we throw away our money.  I would say that we don't have any needs that are not met- God has blessed us with enough to be able to have a house, cars to drive, and food to eat,etc...we try to budget so as to provide for our family and then be able to do things for others...I'd love to be able to give more money to missions and friends that are involved in missions-I have to remember that some is better than none..and God can use us in lots of ways-not just money..He can use our time, resources, money, etc..having an open and willing heart-attempting to listen to what and how He calls us to do things to further His kingdom is most important.  Anyway, this was a good reminder chapter..
Hope you are both able to stop and thank God for the things He has blessed you with- loving husbands, houses that provide warmth and protection, food to provide nourishment, etc..thoughts to be thankful for..may we also remember that God is always working in and through us-whether through money or resources..He is always working in us..So thankful for that.
Love you both..praying for you both.

Neediness - Hannah

Wow! What a chapter!  It struck a cord with me for sure....so often I expect John to fulfill or satisfy all of my needs...I put him first before God...I seek love and acceptance from him as opposed to yearning after The Lord.  I love that Mary continuously used scripture to address the direction of seeking after God- if we seek Him- He will give us the desires of our heart.  

It's like i know the right thing- but it is connecting it from my head to my heart and vice versa...trusting that if I seek genuine love and satisfaction from Him, He truly will make me feel desired and make me feel loved- a fully satisfied love.

Oh how I needed this chapter- such a great reminder...I will definitely be praying that God will continue to shake me and remind me that true satisfaction and complete love only comes when We rest in Him!

Hope you both have a great rest of the week :)

Neediness - Emily

Ladies! Love you, praying for you both..... it's been a stressful hectic 2 weeks here so I am behind. God is good though. When I prioritize what's most important, He is faithful to allow me little gaps to 'catch up'. Love Him!!!!!

So, Neediness. Been there. Oh yeah. But praise God, in His loving way, He has drawn me away from that and into a blessed place of needing Him more and more!

Hmm... I don't think I am 'needy' towards Joe but I guess he has expressed at times that he feels pressure to provide me with what I want. Like when I'm not happy he can feel at fault for that. So if I'm not resting in God's provision for me, Joe ends up feeling some of that pressure whether that's my intention of not. But over all I wouldn't say that I suffocate him in any way. (But I can always work on my verbal praise and encouragement towards him to ensure him that he's doing a good job being there for our family).

Of the things Mary lists on pg 182, two of them stood out to me that could use my attention... "She sends her roots deep into God's stream to meet her emotional needs. She does not demand emotional satisfaction from people" - Oh emotions. They are such a gift from the Lord when used appropriately but they can be SO damaging if we allow ourselves to be consumed by them. Praying for His perspective! Also "Her life is spiritually fruitful and productive, regardless of the state of her earthly relationships" - My immediate conviction here was with my tongue. When everything's good it's easy to let the Holy Spirit guide (or hold) my words..... but if something is amiss I can fly off the handle and speak things that are not glorifying to God. I desire to have a better handle in that area so as not to contradict myself in my influences toward others.

I LOVE what Mary says at the end of the chapter....

"[Her desire] is beckoning her to look past that image and reach for the reality it represents. Earthly romances are to the Cosmic One like sparkling reflections of light dancing on water are to the blazing sun. They are not the fiery light. They only reflect glimmers of it"  What powerful imagery!! Living near the water I am rather familiar with the wonderfulness of the sun glittering on the water.... and this comparison just humbles me even more at Who God is and how great and awesome and big and powerful and ... and... and... He is! His love for us is so far beyond my comprehension.

I do see this *neediness* in others sometimes and it breaks my heart. I think a good part of it can be tied in with control issues. Seeking everything from someone else but at the same time not able to trust them when they are apart from you and therefore having to have a hand in everything they do. I'm sure there are lots of ways that I need to be able to give God more control, especially in His work in others. Just trusting that He is working and the best way I can help is to pray for them.

I hope this makes some sense. I do know that I am a tangled mess without Jesus. The days when I do not set aside some time to get with Him generally end up being a disaster and if I'm out of the Word for a few days, look out!! But I know I need Him in every breath of my day! He is my Life!! I need Him!

Father, help me to keep my needs directed to you. You delight in providing for me as I lean on and trust in You for all things! May you be close with my sweet sisters here and draw our hearts more and more towards Yourself. We love you! Amen.

Neediness - Ann

Hi Friends!

Well, I thought this was an easier read than last week.

I would not say that I am not overly clingy and needy when it comes to men, however, I do not think I am truly a wise woman.....yet.

As Mary points out that "It's not that the wise woman never experiences "pressure cooker" heat in her relationships - or that she never faces a year of relational drought. But she withstands those tough times. She doesn't get fearful or anxious when they come, because her relationship with the Lord nourishes and sustains her. She doesn't rely on the cistern. "

My relationship with my hubby is not always perfect and easy however, I do not get overly concerned or anxious about it as I know God will help us get through our ups and downs. But at the same time I sometimes expect my hubby to fill up that void that only God can fill. 

Just last Sunday, I addressed Brian with his excessive computer/internet usage, as I see it, and the way I communicated probably wasn't the best, but as he went to work for the night and we had not resolved the issue, I was feeling quite distraught. I do truly think that Brian has been letting the internet suck up his life, and when he is on the computer I feel like he would rather surf the net then be with me, but at the same time when addressing the issue I was coming across as a selfish needy baby, and when Brian left for work I was left alone to cry and think. While thinking, I also realized that I have also been trying to have Brian fill up that area that God can only fill and then getting mad  at my husband for not succeeding. It's hard to explain exactly what I am trying to say, but before I had even read this chapter, while crying and pouting I thought. Wow God! Yes!  Brian has some things to work on but geeze I am being a little needy, and even if my hubby doted on me hand and foot 24/7, constantly focused on me I will not be content because I need you Lord. After this I spent some time in prayer and  I took my concerns to the God in prayer the next day too. Afterwards, I was able to clearly express my feelings to Brian. After taking my concern to God and letting Him help me work through my thoughts and feelings everything was so clear!  Lord help me to stay close to you, to trust in you, to rely on you! 

I would say that my heart sometimes feels lonely and needy, while I need to be better at nourishing my relationship with God as I do believe that only a relationship with God can meet my deepest needs.

As Psalm 42:1-2 says "As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."

Lord thank you for always being there for us, help us to nourish and deepen our relationships with you, so that we may trust you more. 

Authenticity - Ann

Hi Ladies!

So glad we were able to meet this week for lunch!

I found this chapter to be intimidating at first as I was afraid of what I would discover about myself.....as I know I am not perfect. I will admit that I have felt two-faced during my life, and this chapter did stir up memories, of feeling like a bad person and times of feeling two-faced during my bouts of depression.

As a teenager I developed a hatred for myself that stemmed from my childhood. ( I feel like some of this could have tied into other chapters but I guess this is the chapter that I will talk about it.) Anyways...I would like to preface this by saying that  i was an extremely shy and timid child and I can honestly say that I think I was born feeling nervous : ) So now for my story, starting at about the age of 6 while at a friends house my friend and I stumbled upon her dads stash of pornography. At first it was very much curiosity  that drew us to look at these pictures, but for about the next 5 or 6 years we would  again be drawn to look at these images from time to time.....as I got older I realized this was wrong to do, however, the pictures were alluring, and I had myself thinking that I wanted to be sexy and beautiful and proactive like the ladies in the pictures. Now being from a strict religious family my conscious weighed heavy. Eventually, I pretty much just stopped hanging out with this friend. I also had a very guilty conscience. I believe that feeling guilty is healthy, and good, however I had an unhealthy feeling of guilt and for years I thought I was a very horrible person. I thought my parents would kill me if they knew that Ann their beloved innocent daughter had looked at porn, so I kept my secret to myself. Now, I totally believe that we have a loving a forgiving merciful God, but I could not get it through my head that God could forgive me for being such an impure person. During this time I felt very two-faced and the voices in my head told me I was a horrible bad person. I felt like there was no hope for me. I believe when I was about 15 I finally talked things through with my parents. Before it was all said and done I went through horrible times of depression, and times of severe anxiety, I lost a bunch of weight and for a time was not able to sleep, eat or concentrate.

In the end I went  to counseling and took medication for a time to help me deal with things. And let me just say that it was only by the grace of God did I not attempt suicide or start doing drugs,  or  turn to alcohol as I was in a very dark place, and saw no point to living.

As the years have gone by I have dealt with depression off and on and I will say I  think I am such a hypocrite sometimes when I am having  one of those days where, on the inside I feel like I am in a deep dark hole, feeling like their is no point to my life but on the outside I am happy positive Ann with a smile on my face, afraid of what someone might think if they knew I was depressed.

Mary points out that a girl gone wise is genuine - her outside matches her inside. I will say that I have areas to work on here.

Mary listed the 7 signs of Hypocrisy:

1. Contradiction - a pretender who honors the Lord with her lips but her heart is far from Him

I am a regular church goer, I pray and read my Bible daily, and I enjoy reading this book with you ladies so that I can be become a better person, but I do not always live my life as I should.

2. Self-Indulgence - constantly ask the Lord for things but they ask for the wrong things to indulge their worldly passion. They have the wrong perspective about God. They question whether He really has their best interests at heart. I know I struggle with this in respect to my infertility. 

I will admit that I have been angry at God for not giving me what I want right now, like I know what is best for me, like know more that God. Yes, I need to learn how to fully trust him and his plans

3. Focus on externals - do all their deeds to be seen by others - very concerned about outward appearances, how they look to others and what people think about them. 

I do enjoy when people think I am good, and I definitely worry too much about what others think about me

4. Partial obedience - Selective about which parts of the scripture to obey

Some commandments and teachings are definitely easier for me to follow than others.

5. Rationalization - justifying two faced behavior - I am guilty of this too.

6. Contempt - looking down on others. They see the speck in another's eye but fail to notice the log in their own. 

I am definitely hard on myself, but I do find it easy to see other people's shortcomings and sins.

7. Chameleon - Like Conduct  - change color depending on which environment they are in.

 I have been working on this, but I will say that I like to be liked, so I will tend to do and say things in different situations so that I will be liked.

I definitely have things to work on, but as Mary says at the end of the chapter "The problem is not when we fight against hypocrisy in or lives but when we don't." We need to get closer and closer to God and repent of our sins. Yes, there is always hope!

Thank you Lord for your forgiveness love and mercy! Help us to be true authentic Godly women! Draw us nearer to you!

Authenticity - Emily

What an excellent chapter! This one really gets at the core of things. Mary writes to uncover our true motives and agendas. Ouch. Love it!

Sadly, I have been 100% two-faced in seasons of my life. I am grieved to look back on those times but also drawn to praise Him even more for his redemptive work in my life. He is oh so good to us. Such a patient and loving God. I'm still such a piece of work most days :-) but a quote that a friend of mine shared with me goes something like "less important than the degree of victory is the direction we are going". Thus keeping in mind that when I fail and run to Him (instead of away) that's progress. He can work with that.

I did take the time to look up several of the scriptures that she references and found that to be helpful and insightful. Sometimes it's too easy to read through the Bible and skim over the great implications and meanings in God's Word. 2 Tim 3:1-4 really stood out to me. " But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God...." God already knows the self-destructive way we are headed as people, so He calls us to be on guard for those things!

Luke 12:2 is a wonderful verse! "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known" If we know we are harboring some secret sin this can be a scary one - but how loving is God that he will not allow us to do that?! He wants to expose what's really inside so that we can confess it and draw closer to him. *Our pastors wife made the comments that we should be thankful that we aren't celebrities when God reveals junk in us. For us He can do it intimately, their junk gets spread all over the tabloids :-(

I would honestly have to say that I probably still act in some of each of the areas of hypocrisy that Mary points out. I'd like to say I don't (maybe not a blatantly as before) but that'd be a lie. Some days I am just plain amazed at how selfish I can be, how much I still have myself on the throne all day. Praise God that He won't leave me here but little by little He is making me new every day.

Lord fill us afresh with you each new day! Help us to be genuine. To desire your kind of true authenticity in our walk! Thank you Lord that you want to expose the sin in us, you're continually calling us closer to you if we will only listen and yield our lives to you.